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Man, I’m crashing fast. I’m not really prone to bouts of depression, but I’ve been wanting to cry a lot today. Of course, I don’t actually *cry*… I’m not a *pussy* {grin}, but I still have a lot of dark thoughts throughout the whole day.

I tried therapy a few years ago for a bit but it didn’t seem to help much. I’ve never tried drugs, legal or illegal. Self-destructive behavior sounds kind of fun – it has a bad rap in my opinion. If I do terrible things to myself, at least it will feel a little bit as if I’m in a kinky S&M relationship, and I’ll get some sexual satisfaction out of that.

So, some self-denial might be in order. I’m going to try not going out, not eating, and not jacking off for a while, and see how that goes. I’ve been reading a lot of poetry lately. I’m wondering if a zen state of “nothingness” might help. Ommmm…

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Better Living Through Chemistry

Drugs get a real bad rap by people who know little about them and what they can do.

If this is more than just normal "sadness" there is nothing wrong with getting something to balance the fucked chemistry in the brain that causes it. Why feel like shit, if you don't have to? (or want to)

I take a cocktail of meds for Adult ADD (several of the subtypes) it took more than a year of tinkering to get it right too. But, DAMN!

I feel like I just started life again. AND I am still kinky. something I feared might disappear if I "got better."

Nope, I'm a pig. Nasty, dirty, sticky, pig.

And, I don't feel like killing myself and taking half a town with me.


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