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Man, I’m crashing fast. I’m not really prone to bouts of depression, but I’ve been wanting to cry a lot today. Of course, I don’t actually *cry*… I’m not a *pussy* {grin}, but I still have a lot of dark thoughts throughout the whole day.

I tried therapy a few years ago for a bit but it didn’t seem to help much. I’ve never tried drugs, legal or illegal. Self-destructive behavior sounds kind of fun – it has a bad rap in my opinion. If I do terrible things to myself, at least it will feel a little bit as if I’m in a kinky S&M relationship, and I’ll get some sexual satisfaction out of that.

So, some self-denial might be in order. I’m going to try not going out, not eating, and not jacking off for a while, and see how that goes. I’ve been reading a lot of poetry lately. I’m wondering if a zen state of “nothingness” might help. Ommmm…

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You know, there would be something wrong with you if you were happy all the time.Just roll with things and it'll pass .Don't dwell on things and do the things that you feel like doing.I think people analyze their feelings way to much.Thats why they are all on anti depressants. Life is ups and downs and thats just the way it is .

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