mudcub (mudcub) wrote,

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Questions/ Answers

On Sunday night, 7/8/07, Anonymous emailed me:

>It may be worth mentioning that at this point, you guys are on the verge of
>breaking up over this, so it's a matter of *definitely* breaking up now
>versus *possibly* breaking up in the future.
>What would happen if you did fall in love with someone else? Is your
>relationship such that you would stay with him anyway? Could your relationship
>be that way? Can you have that discussion?
>I think you definitely need to figure out why you're not interested in him
>reciprocating. Unless you can answer that question, you can't identify the
>boundaries of what you need to change. If you figured out what you weren't
>getting, could he give it to you? Is the problem solvable in that way, or
>do you need outside sex partners? That's stuff you need to know to work this out.
>These are really tough discussions to have. I hope you guys do well with your
>counselor and can figure out how to make things work so you're both happy.

Wow! Tough questions Mr. Anonymous.

>it's a matter of *definitely* breaking up now versus *possibly* breaking up in the future

I'm hoping there's a fourth path - reinventing our relationship to add some space and freedom while increasing the emotional and sexual bond between us. It's a difficult and maybe impossible goal, but rewarding if we make it.

>What would happen if you did fall in love with someone else?

If my partner fell in love, I think I could "roll with it". I hope I could invite that new boyfriend into my life as the third in a polyamorous relationship. Or I could share. Or let my boyfriend go and be ok with that.

If *I* fell in love with someone else, things would be difficult. But I don't think it's in my character to fall in love that way. I would like an open relationship in order to connect with other gay men. But if I have the opportunity to have some cheap meaningless sex with some people I don't really like... that's ok too! But it's not about finding a replacement life partner.

>I think you definitely need to figure out why you're not interested in him reciprocating.

That's a hard one. Pick one or more of the following:

1) I'm pissed off... and it's hard to have sex when you're angry
2) I'm being childish, and need to mature emotionally
3) I'm trying to punish my partner by withholding sex until he changes his mind
4) I love my partner, and would have a hard time hurting him in an S&M scene
5) I love my partner, and would have a hard time being hurt by him in an S&M scene
6) A loss of physical attraction
7) I think that "sex is bad, it causes problems" so it's easier to not have sex
8) I want to have really disgusting nasty sex that he's not into
9) I'm looking for cheap no-strings-attached sex with strangers... not my partner
10) This is my first relationship - I have no idea what I'm doing
11) I'm not used to touching/ being touched... I'm kind of like Rainman that way
12) I'm actually a slaveboy, and think that Masters are to be pleased, slaves don't cum
13) We settled into a boring routine, with dull sex right before he goes to sleep
14) I really like stories on the internet, and would rather cum that way
15) I've never really liked sex with my partner


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