April 6th, 2008

Bearhat

Unhappiness in Slavery

Today leatherspeak sent me a Formal Notice of Termination. i wanted to put word out that He is no longer my Master, for training or in any other capacity. That makes me feel terrible, because i've realized that i need to serve in order to be happy. i thought i could have that relationship with Him. Now, i have to find another person to connect with, because the Master/slave dynamic really feels right and natural to me. i'm embarrassed to admit that, and i still have a lot of trouble talking about it with friends. i feel like an idiot and a fool for being a slave, and i still get made fun at a lot by my friends. "Come over and clean my fucking windows!" They call themselves leathermen, but they don't really get it. Well, damn... i thought i had a good Master, and now i'm back at square one.

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