mudcub (mudcub) wrote,

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Hugo Boss

I hate Esquire magazine. Or GQ. Or any “men’s magazine” that talks about a suit in a reverent tone:

Which Type Of Shirt Collar Is Right For You?
Skinny Ties! Are You Ready?
The New Cufflinks For Summer
If you wear a suit every day, you are a tool. When I was a kid, a man is a suit meant prestige and authority. The guy was probably a banker or a lawyer… someone with money. Today it means they probably work at the mall selling diamonds.

The truly powerful in America wear what the hell they want. “Office casual”. Jeans. The denim-shirt-and-khakis uniform of the tech geek. My boyfriend Michael once delivered flowers to a man worth over 50 million dollars. When he parked in the driveway, he was surprised by a man wearing old clothes covered in mud. You guess it – the man was the millionaire, playing in his garden. Be rich enough and you can wear whatever the fuck you want.

I enjoy wearing suits. They look great, and on the right guy they are sexy. Michael has a serious fetish about garters… those elastics thingies that hold up socks. And not just any socks, he loves a man in thin black dress socks. And boxer shorts. And an undershirt, particularly the “wife beater” kind. It’s a fetish for everything masculine: aftershave, leather dress shoes, a tie slightly undone, dress pants slightly unzipped…

Last night, Mike was reading a book about penises. “A Mind Of It’s Own” by David Friedman. Mike was enthralled by a mention about Robert Mapplethorpe’s photograph “Man In A Polyester Suit” and had to show me. It really affected him. I think it is because wearing a suit can be a transgressive act. One time I went to a My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult concert wearing a suit. There were women dressed in rubber walking men crawling on the floor like dogs. And I wore a suit. I had dozens of people come up to me and say, “Man! That’s so cool!” But I think I probably looked like someone’s dad. Or a creepy old guy trying to pick up a date. But that night it was hip to be square… dressing normally made me the biggest freak at the show.

However, men’s fashion magazines can go to hell. Suits never change, not like women’s clothes. Sometimes the lapels get wider, sometimes suspenders are hip. Magazines try to sell men on the idea that they have to keep in fashion, choosing the latest length of pant hem. If you really follow those details, I apologize, but I still think you are a tool. But do what you want. As Neil Patrick Harris on “How I Met Your Mother” might say, “Suit up!”

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