I get jealous when I read about leathermen on LiveJournal. They seem to have such a great “Sex In The City” lifestyle: going out to brunch, with flogging in the afternoon, followed by puppy play and an orgy later that night. What I’m yearning for is a sense of community, a group of kinky friends who I can hang out with and have filthy sex later. LiveJournal has given me a little of that, and I’m grateful for this website.
Luckily, I’m horny, desperate, and a switch. So, I’m happy enough being the top, bottom, or anything in between. I like to play with women too, so now I can be rejected by pretty much the entire leather population. The problem is, I’m looking for something, and I don’t really know what it is. It’s kind of like traditional S&M, but not really.
I get turned on by forced feeding. Simply because it’s a way to prove that my Master owns *all* my holes: ass and throat, too. I love being forced to do things. I think that I’m scared of a lot of stuff that excites me, so to have a guy order me to roll in the dirt gives me an excuse to let that playful side of myself out. I also crave new experiences, so to taste or smell something unusual is a gift. Man, I love to sweat and stink. Pain, heavy bondage, training, mummification, punishment… they are all tools to make me into something different than the way I am right now.
Cheap sex and short scenes can be fun. But, I’m tired of unimaginative leathersex: the nipple clamps, spankings, those strange little leather “nazi” caps all the masters wear. I want a Master who will fuck with me. I’m still trying to figure this out, and I’m expressing it wrong. But I want a guy who knows he owns me… but not like a pet or a precious objet d’art. More like something that should be teased and hurt on a regular basis. Maybe I just need a good sadist in my life.
Now, I don’t want to sound like a pushy bottom. I love following orders… doing whatever “the nice man tells me to do”. I’m perfectly happy to do things I don’t like in order to make the Top happy. For example, I don't like giving blowjobs, but I'll do it if I have to. In fact, the sick part of my mind *likes* the fact that I sometimes have to give a blowjob when I don't like to give blowjobs, if that makes sense. It’s just that lately I’m searching for something more. Or maybe something less.
When I was in high school, I wanted someone who wanted to hang out with me. And I found that, and it was nice. But then in college I wanted someone who wanted to *fuck* me. And that was great also, but still not enough. As an adult, I wanted someone to truly and deeply love me, and I found that. But now I want someone to understand me, and that’s proving the toughest of them all. Maybe because I don’t truly understand myself.
Luckily, I’m horny, desperate, and a switch. So, I’m happy enough being the top, bottom, or anything in between. I like to play with women too, so now I can be rejected by pretty much the entire leather population. The problem is, I’m looking for something, and I don’t really know what it is. It’s kind of like traditional S&M, but not really.
I get turned on by forced feeding. Simply because it’s a way to prove that my Master owns *all* my holes: ass and throat, too. I love being forced to do things. I think that I’m scared of a lot of stuff that excites me, so to have a guy order me to roll in the dirt gives me an excuse to let that playful side of myself out. I also crave new experiences, so to taste or smell something unusual is a gift. Man, I love to sweat and stink. Pain, heavy bondage, training, mummification, punishment… they are all tools to make me into something different than the way I am right now.
Cheap sex and short scenes can be fun. But, I’m tired of unimaginative leathersex: the nipple clamps, spankings, those strange little leather “nazi” caps all the masters wear. I want a Master who will fuck with me. I’m still trying to figure this out, and I’m expressing it wrong. But I want a guy who knows he owns me… but not like a pet or a precious objet d’art. More like something that should be teased and hurt on a regular basis. Maybe I just need a good sadist in my life.
Now, I don’t want to sound like a pushy bottom. I love following orders… doing whatever “the nice man tells me to do”. I’m perfectly happy to do things I don’t like in order to make the Top happy. For example, I don't like giving blowjobs, but I'll do it if I have to. In fact, the sick part of my mind *likes* the fact that I sometimes have to give a blowjob when I don't like to give blowjobs, if that makes sense. It’s just that lately I’m searching for something more. Or maybe something less.
When I was in high school, I wanted someone who wanted to hang out with me. And I found that, and it was nice. But then in college I wanted someone who wanted to *fuck* me. And that was great also, but still not enough. As an adult, I wanted someone to truly and deeply love me, and I found that. But now I want someone to understand me, and that’s proving the toughest of them all. Maybe because I don’t truly understand myself.
Ok, enough drama. Who wants a blowjob?
You may proceed at any time, cub. :P
We all seek something akin to our selves only in a more perfected form. What I'm finding out is that you may not find that in one person alone. I love my John with all of my heart and soul but he has no spiritual inclinations and I'm every day becoming more spirituality driven. Thus I'm looking for that outside of my primary relationship, and doing it with his blessing.
*ducks; runs for my life*
I loooooove you, honey. Let's cuddle!
I want to hang out with you and watch "Fido". When are you free next week?
"I'll remove the cause. But not (pause) the symptoms!"
Funny thing is... I understand. And I would bet, that several of your mates on here understand as well. And you can bet there are men... and women out there who understand you far better than you realize.
As for the one special person... give it time, they are out there man.
Though I get it, we all want that person to show the fuck up NOW!
fucking WOW... very similar thoughts have been bouncing in my head way too much of late. U2's "still haven't found what I'm looking for" has been my theme way too much lately. Good luck finding (and figuring out) what you want here mister.
I wouldn't be "jealous"... you're getting the censored version of their lives (and in some cases, a little embellished). Add in the monotony of work, cooking dinner, going to bed alone, etc. and you'll find you have just an "exciting" life.
"I like to play with women too, so now I can be rejected by pretty much the entire leather population."
Hmmm... that's a pretty defeatist and definitely inaccurate assumption. Whoever is rejecting you for that likely isn't worth playing with to start with.
"Now, I don’t want to sound like a pushy bottom."
Too late... haha - I kid!
"Maybe because I don’t truly understand myself."
I think you do.
Nah, if you can handle your right-of-way issues with psycho neighbors, you could handle anything.