Luckily, I’m horny, desperate, and a switch. So, I’m happy enough being the top, bottom, or anything in between. I like to play with women too, so now I can be rejected by pretty much the entire leather population. The problem is, I’m looking for something, and I don’t really know what it is. It’s kind of like traditional S&M, but not really.
I get turned on by forced feeding. Simply because it’s a way to prove that my Master owns *all* my holes: ass and throat, too. I love being forced to do things. I think that I’m scared of a lot of stuff that excites me, so to have a guy order me to roll in the dirt gives me an excuse to let that playful side of myself out. I also crave new experiences, so to taste or smell something unusual is a gift. Man, I love to sweat and stink. Pain, heavy bondage, training, mummification, punishment… they are all tools to make me into something different than the way I am right now.
Cheap sex and short scenes can be fun. But, I’m tired of unimaginative leathersex: the nipple clamps, spankings, those strange little leather “nazi” caps all the masters wear. I want a Master who will fuck with me. I’m still trying to figure this out, and I’m expressing it wrong. But I want a guy who knows he owns me… but not like a pet or a precious objet d’art. More like something that should be teased and hurt on a regular basis. Maybe I just need a good sadist in my life.
Now, I don’t want to sound like a pushy bottom. I love following orders… doing whatever “the nice man tells me to do”. I’m perfectly happy to do things I don’t like in order to make the Top happy. For example, I don't like giving blowjobs, but I'll do it if I have to. In fact, the sick part of my mind *likes* the fact that I sometimes have to give a blowjob when I don't like to give blowjobs, if that makes sense. It’s just that lately I’m searching for something more. Or maybe something less.
When I was in high school, I wanted someone who wanted to hang out with me. And I found that, and it was nice. But then in college I wanted someone who wanted to *fuck* me. And that was great also, but still not enough. As an adult, I wanted someone to truly and deeply love me, and I found that. But now I want someone to understand me, and that’s proving the toughest of them all. Maybe because I don’t truly understand myself.
Ok, enough drama. Who wants a blowjob?