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Crappiness in Slavery

I am currently reading “Becoming a Slave” by Jack Rinella. And my first reaction is that I really want to punch Jack Rinella's fucking face in. And his smarmy little “slave Patrick” too. Which might not be the best place to be coming from in order to be receptive to this book.

A big part of the introduction is devoted on whether to capitalize the word Master or Sir, or to decapitalize slave names and use impersonal pronouns. I guess this is a huge topic in the “M.s” world.

Jack calls any slave who doesn’t have a Master a “wannabe”. Thanks a whole fucking lot, Jack. That’s a great thing to start out with. I’m a poseur, and wannabe, and I’m evidently a sucker for shelling out $21.95 for your fucking book since the book didn’t arrive from Amazon with a Master already attached to it. Maybe shipping on that was extra.

So, the book lists step one: find a Master. What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing for the last six months, Jack? I emailed Mr. R yesterday, a friendly little email to say hi, I was back from the rodeo, I’d love to get together in person and talk about the idea of me becoming Mr. R’s slave, creating a relationship or friendship or to see how we could connect. I said in the email that I was free any evening, or all weekend (except for a hockey game Saturday night).

The reply? Mr. R said he was busy. Great. For the next 168 hours, he has other things to do than meet with me for coffee. Fuck. In the last two months, we’ve exchanged emails over a dozen times. Some titillating, some interesting. But I can’t quite seem to close the deal: a face-to-face meeting. At least Mr. R is better than Mr. S, who pretty much ignores any email I send him.

So, I’m angry and bitter and pissed-off. Which is a bad start to any journey. Anyboyd out there need an angry bitter pissed-off slave? I’ll work for food, if not just some attention.

i have problems with his writings as he has gotten older. i have said a Master without a slave is nothing, but a slave without a Master is still a slave, because we can always find someone/someplace/something to serve. It goes back to that entire Master is god thing, which i disagree with, especially in pansexual or staright circles. Think of it, a Master alone is just an eogtystical jerk who thiks everyone should wait on him hand and foot, while a slave can serve (in his mind) by working for a club, slaving at the office, working for a charity, helping his fellow man.

i am sorry about your freind, but sadly thats more the norm then the exception. i have had that happen to me several times. Thats why i don't address anyone as Sir anymore untill i meet them in the flesh.

There is nothing wrong about being pissed oof about Jack, as a lot of people consider him an ass anyway.

Some of us deserved to be served. And if someone wants to do it paw and paw....

Well, I haven't read his books yet, although they have been recommended to me.

Maybe I'm weird, but I kind of feel like the base relationship needs to exist first, and the dynamic then evolves as a part of that.

I agree, there has to be a build up. The thing is, you don't necessarily jump into these relationships -i.e. you don't just give yourself to someone in full. Even after 4 years I'm slowly giving more of myself to my Master.

The point is, you can call yourself in a Master/slave relationship, but to what some would say is Master/slave, others would say is Sir/boy, Daddy/boy, etc...

It grows over time.

I'm friends with Patrick, and Jack too. And I don't think I could ever be Jack's slave. Ever.

Sure, he can be a bit of an ass at times, but so can almost every other Dom out there.

I couldn't get past the first three or four chapters of that book. I got much more out of his other books.

"Your mileage may vary" *GRIN*

I'd like to research more on these dynamics, also.

I don't think you can get any kind of helpful advice from a book on how to become a slave or a sub. It's either in you, or it isn't. No amount of self-help book reading is going to get you there. That's the kind of thing that comes from experiencing it, really. You can be interested in it, but until you begin having that experience, you will never really know.

That's why these kinds of books seem totally ludicrous to me, because no amount of reading can prepare you for the real deal. It's like buying a book with the title How To Become The Pope In Five Easy Steps. Ultimately, that really isn't going to happen for the average person.

And, I'm kind of with Jay on this. I don't think it's possible to have a serious dom/sub or slave/master relationship, or a lasting one, without having the relationship dynamic in place first. Oh, sure, you could probably always find some dom or master to serve, but, in the end, that's transitory and probably not very satisfying. At least, it wouldn't be for me.

"because no amount of reading can prepare you for the real deal."

Completely agreed though it can give someone something to think about. :)

Becoming a Slave was VERY instrumental in becoming a slave to my current Master, so I've got some perspective.

The book, for me, got me thinking about what I want in my service to my Master and what I want/wanted overall as a submissive. In many respects I went blindly into becoming my Master's boy four years ago - I knew I could trust Him but I didn't completely grasp what I was getting involved in. When I asked to become His slave, it was around the same time that Becoming a Slave came out. At the time I was pretty green.

My perception of a "wannabe" was initially negative but if you think about it, it could actually be a very positive term. To me it's only negative if you're a "wannabe" and you do nothing about it then it becomes a negative thing - that's when someone becomes a poseur, etc... Being a wannabe and doing something about it is, to me, something completely different.

When I asked to be my Master's slave, I was a wannabe. Fair and square.

And from this experience, I learned to look at wannabe as being a positive thing rather than something to be looked down on.

The book is definitely written for people who are new to D/s relationships but it's also valuable for people who are experienced too. A prime example is my Master's newest boy who has had 10 years experience in D/s relationships but they've always been abusive in some way, so going through the exercises will and has confirmed a bunch of things for him, and it's given him some new perspective to think outside the box. BAS is required reading for boys, SiTs (Sirs in Training), and slave applicants in my Leather Family.

I've read a number of Jack's articles and books and I can see how he writes is a bit irksome. He's not god's gift to Leather and I don't think he claims to be. Just as I write in my "Leather List" custom group in my blog, "The Realities of Service", what I write is completely from my own view, from my own perspective. Your mileage will vary and if it matches great, if not then great - your experience is just as valuable as anyone else's and when you share it, it can be inspiring to someone else.

I'm actually going to be going through BAS again mainly because I'm at a point where the dynamic may need to change. I still desire to be my Master's slave but I've grown as has my Master. The answers I had almost two years ago are very different from where I am today.

I'm just sad and lonely and jealous of people who have found the kind of M/s relationship that seems to elude me. That's all.

awwww >HUGS<
i sorry to hear that

So many of these books are about the author's ideals, and are definitely not one-size-fits-all.

As someone who has been paid to write (I know, you can't really tell that here) and who lives to think about the use of language and style, I am often baffled by the way people in the leather/fetish community use language. Certainly changing the way you refer to yourself and others can help you change your way of looking at things, but these books often make it out that there is One True Way.

This, I think is a kind of self-justification, and I think really misses the point.

It's kind of like an exercise book, or a cook book. The author (and certainly the reader) should be clear that this is one way of moving towards the desired experience, but each traveler must find his own way.

Please, please, please. On, pretty please. Promise me that you won't use the word 'sir' as a simple noun. ("My Sir ordered me to pick up Fifi at the groomers.") It is an unfortunate, very recent misuse of English, that is sadly gaining currency. To me, it is like grating fingernails on a chalkboard. Yes, English is a living and flexible language, and I celebrate people who adapt it to their needs, but it is not an anarchic free-for-all, and some careless usage just makes the speaker sound ludicrous. This is one such case.

"My Sir ordered me to pick up Fifi at the groomers."

I know a few Doms who'd punish for using a possesive pronoun on the Sir. heh.

Some one once told me that the true joy of being Queer was that we get to create our relationships as one offs to suit our personal needs. Books like this are interesting and can give some insight but really it's all bout two people meeting each other's needs. just my two cents.

I'd be interested to hear what you thought when you finished the book.

People can be dicks, especially when they feel wanted. For too many of us it's about being pursued and desired and not about making the actual connection. Sorry you're not meeting people who are as open to meeting as your are.

Perhaps either Mr. S or Mr. R. are just screwing with you.

My Master has a friend, Sir William, who really has earned my respect. In any case, He is a play friend, very friendly to me when we are in public, but who will never answer my emails, phone calls, or text messages.

my Master has instructed me to put together a bukkake scene and since Sir William was the oh-so-happy participant in the "cum on my face punishment," i thought to ask Him first.

Yet, He never answered any of my queries, then one day called Master Rissa and told Her that i'd been trying to reach Him, that i wasn't worthy of His response because i'm just a slave.

I dunno, it was a thought.

Does a pianist stop being a pianist because he's without his instrument? Histrionically perhaps, but logically no, the intellect and skills and sensitivity of a pianist don't evaporate if the piano is gone. Does the pianist need a piano for expression and growth? yes, of course. The Master-slave relationship should be symbiotic, both people should grow from the pairing. And despite the mythology of what a Dom should be, there has to be respect and a measure of kindness between people for any relationship to survive. A Master or slave who isn't also a gentleman is just another boor.

A. (just kidding)...it makes me afraid to send you my books.
B. Jack Rinella is an aquired taste. Not everyone meshes with his type of presentation and his thoughts. it always takes me back to when THE LEATHERMAN'S HANDBOOK, was literally the only thing out there guiding. There is no absolute truth with relationships, leave alone M/s relationships. I have been uncollared for almost 6 years now. It aint easy, but no one guaranteed it would be.
C. I have an old friend in Denver that might be a good resource, feel free to email me private.

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There's a growing "boy/boi" community here in Denver (http://www.denverboysofleather.org), and that idea confuses me, too. They're not slaves, they're not submissives... they're something different.

Great, yet another subgroup that I don't fit in with.

Not to marginalize you plight, but I laughed so hard at the tenor of this post I almost pissed my pants.

So many of these folks are like accountants and bakers and other fairly mundane jobs who have suddenly decided because they had an idea pop into the nether regions they refer to as a brain that the rest of us should look sharp and fall in line.

Keep at it, these relationships are rare, and personally I believe difficult. That being said, you are no less than the rest of us poor schmucks because you didn't go to the "MasterMart" and shell out for a Master.

The old adage rings true; wish I could buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he worth.

Be good ;)