I’m on the “S&M diet”. I basically involves beating myself up whenever I eat anything. I no longer eat food: instead I live off of kind thoughts and air.
The diet consists of “slave chow”… the blandest possible foods, like unflavored oatmeal or salad without dressing. For three days I ate nothing but baby food, just for fun. Or, put regular food in a blender and turn it into prison loaf.
I run every day for thirty minutes, and three days a week get beat up playing rugby and ice hockey. Oh, and there are other corporal punishment opportunities too. Can you lose weight getting flogged? It seems like good exercise to me. I bet healing bruises uses up calories.
All my coworkers are on Peter J. D'Adamo’s “Eat Right 4 Your Type” Diet. That seems to be the hot quack program this year. It’s based on your blood type, and I’ve forgotten if I am A or B or O. I dunno… it’s funny that the first thing you have to do to eat right is open up a vein. But then again, that’s what it *feels* like to be on a diet, so maybe it’s appropriate.