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Die It

I’m on the “S&M diet”. I basically involves beating myself up whenever I eat anything. I no longer eat food: instead I live off of kind thoughts and air.

The diet consists of “slave chow”… the blandest possible foods, like unflavored oatmeal or salad without dressing. For three days I ate nothing but baby food, just for fun. Or, put regular food in a blender and turn it into prison loaf.

I run every day for thirty minutes, and three days a week get beat up playing rugby and ice hockey. Oh, and there are other corporal punishment opportunities too. Can you lose weight getting flogged? It seems like good exercise to me. I bet healing bruises uses up calories.

All my coworkers are on Peter J. D'Adamo’s “Eat Right 4 Your Type” Diet. That seems to be the hot quack program this year. It’s based on your blood type, and I’ve forgotten if I am A or B or O. I dunno… it’s funny that the first thing you have to do to eat right is open up a vein. But then again, that’s what it *feels* like to be on a diet, so maybe it’s appropriate.

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Does semen have a lot of calories? Well, how much semen are we talking about?

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Yeah, the shirt *is* really hot... I sweat a lot when I wear it.

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Could I have a big bowl of shame to go, please?

Sucking or not, you're mighty pretty.

Not exactly kind thoughts I'm throwing your way after seeing the pic, but I suppose it depends on the receiver. And if the receiver likes blondfolds.

Your body would look good on me.

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That's a great diet! You should write a book...

That's a badass shirt.

"Badass" shirt? Then I would be wearing it on the wrong body part. {grin}

Looking like that you can suck in more than just your stomach.......

Dear me. Here I met you when you had all that bulky clothing on.

Why are you beating yourself up when I have UFC shorts, boxing gloves, prison straps and elk floggers?

...And here I thought you were saving those for me! LOL

Man, I'm having trouble scraping up my brains to make a coherent statement ... I'm dazzled, kinda breathless actually. WOOF!

"slave chow" is such a nice concept, but doesn't it need to include eating said chow from a floor-mounted doggie bowl?

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I should be joining you on the same diet.

But don't forget - diet = die with a t ;)