mudcub (mudcub) wrote,

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Question #10

Question #10

what kind of childhood did you have? It fascinates me to imagine the world you've born witness to and how that's had an effect on the man you've become, not just who or what was going on in your life, but how you perceived them and how you grew because of them. You seem to spend a lot of time thinking and pontificating everything, did you have a lot of friends growing up, do you now? were you a loner, or were you overly social? Neither? Honestly, i just want to know about you, scratch the previous questions, can i just get you to promise to keep writing about you for a while longer?

Wow! Lots of questions. I had a miserable childhood. I had no friends for a good part of the time. Picked on, ostracized, typical geek. I think it made it difficult for me to communicate with people. Or maybe it's a chicken-and-the-egg thing where my inability to communicate made me an outcast. Whatever order it came in, it sure sucked.

I remember having to report to school psychologists a lot, though I can't remember why. I was a bit of a prodigy, learning multiplication at 6 years old, and reading non-fiction. I ate lunch alone most of the time. Then, half-way through high school, I learned how to be a superficial asshole, and people started to like me a lot more. Or maybe I just took the large stick out of my ass.

I found fellow geeks in college - medieval studies majors and computer programmers. And that was good. I was surrounded by a nurturing group of kinky people for the first time. I was able to be myself, though for some reason I didn't come out as gay until after I graduated college. Which was a good thing... because I think I never would have graduated because I would have been at the bars instead of studying.

After college, I never really found a group of gay guys, and that's a shame. I wanted a fag version of Friends, where everyone hung out with each other and made jokes. I've started to find that in the leather community, but in reality I only have a handful of good friends in Denver (hi guys!). I think falling in love right after coming out prevented me from mingling like I should have. Now that I've rediscovered leathersex, there's a whole herd of kinky people I want to meet one-on-one.

Sure, I'll keep writing about myself! After all, you are supposed to write about what you know. And as I get older and older, I realize more and more that I don't understand the world much at all.


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