mudcub (mudcub) wrote,

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Six For Six! Or Maybe 6 and 0

I've gone to several leather events over the last year: MAL, IML, Dore Alley, Folsom Street, and SmokeOut. And I haven't managed to have an orgasm there that wasn't self-inflicted... if you know what I mean.

Last weekend, CLAW was no exception. Sure, I had *sex*... of a sort. I got flogged and single-tailed a bit during a demo. I was forcefed chocolate sauce and had it smeared all over my head. I played as a puppy with other guys for the first time in my life, and I loved that. And I got to wear all sort of costumes... mostly the grungy oily workclothes that I find much more erotic than the usual leather "harness-and-vest-and-boots-and-nazi-hat" get-up.

But I didn't get the kind of sex I've been craving lately: the opportunity to serve a Master. Buck-ass naked, kneeling, tied up in heavy bondage, used as a whipping boy and a pain slut and a sex toy and an object. The opportunity to suck and suck and suck a little but longer than I really want to, in order to make the Master shoot... or to be plowed with a hard dick at varying rates of speed and intensity until He cums (in a condom, of course). To have my pain and pleasure and confusion and panic used as a source of amusement for the Master's whim. To be tortured for hours... not knowing when the pain would stop - or if it would just get harder and harder to endure. To be exposed to new experiences - have the Master turn my head inside out and give me a new kink that I had never heard of and didn't know I would respond to so strongly. Or maybe just a moment of calm... being with a Master as His possession, laying on the floor or standing or being ignored, but just being present and ready to be owned but Him. If only for a little while.

That kind of sex didn't happen. But I did get one email address.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, got laid a *lot*. He couldn't beat off the boys with a stick. My partner has recently discovered craigslist and bear411, and it really suits him. Some guys want a daddy, and man oh man my man is a really really great leatherbear. With his looks - ruggedly handsome, with a white beard, not too much weight, and a fantastic kinky mind - he can constantly think up interesting things for his boys to do. He is a caring and loyal top, and a great guy to snuggle with when he wraps his arms around you to keep you warm and cared-for. If you are into the Daddy/boy dynamic, he may be the bear of your dreams.

So, during CLAW I "helped". I liked finding boys for him to play with. And when we brought them back to our hotel room, I fetched bondage supplies, or better yet, I tied the boy up using my own body and some half-remembered high-school moves while my partner tortured their tits or ass or dick or mouth. And I think the boys loved it. At least, they showed some appreciation by sucking and sucking in return. My boyfriend's dick is black and blue from the suction, as well as some really really sore nipples. But I stayed clothed (mostly) and semi-hard.

All of the play was great - it's what me and my partner *do* lately. Threesomes. Hunting together. Dinner parties. Social friends. But we don't play hard with each other any more. Just cuddling. The reason is that I want to *serve*... I want a Master who will treat me rough and hard. Someone who will challenge me and hurt me and that will establish a real power imbalance into the relationship. And while my partner is a fantastic fantastic bear, I don't what to go into that place with him.

See you all at IML, where I will throw myself at the feet of the first top I find, and will never be seen or heard from ever again.
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