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A Really Good Glass Of Coke

So, i've been playing at being a slave over the last four months, and it's been very challenging but also very rewarding. One strange thing i've noticed is that 90% of slavery is internal and completely invisible to the Master.

 Last month, my ex-Master asked me for a glass of Coke. i ran (heh... yeah, i ran) to the kitchen to get Him one. First, i chose the best glass in the cupboard: non-chipped and free of water spots. Just to make sure, i swirled some water in it and poured it out. i made sure the water was cold, so the glass would be pre-chilled. i got five of the most perfect ice cubes from the freezer, and poured the Coke slowly to minimize spills or bubbles. i had placed a few cans of Coke in the refrigerator three hours ahead of our meeting, so if He wanted a drink i was prepared. Fetching the drink took less than five minutes, and i rushed back. i turned the glass and held it so His right hand could easily grasp the drink without my fingers getting the way. He took the glass without a thank you, and i sat back down at His feet. 

It's embarassing writing all of this down in LiveJournal. Most of the guys reading this post probably think i'm silly or a freak (at best). But this was the kind of method i used to remind myself of my slavery and my place. i didn't want any pat on the head or praise for the extra-special service. In fact, i tried hard for my Master *not* to notice the hard work i was doing. At the end of the day, the only important thing is that my Master got a kick-ass glass of Coke served to Him. 

It's kind of lonely, doing all this internal work and not getting any congratulations for it. i can't say that i'm the world's best slave, either. i have a tendency to spend all that effort preparing the can of Coke, only for my master to say, "I asked for a Sprite!" i'm kind of ADD, and orders can go in one ear and out the other. i hate if the Master thinks my inattentiveness is done out of disrespect - it's usually that i'm too excited to listen carefully. i've learned that i have to use many tools to do a good job at slavery: write down what i heard and confirm it with the Master, make lists of things to do, and focus focus focus. Of course, punishment is a very good way to sharpen my mind as well! 

Last night, i tried to get back into slave mode. i wanted to serve a friend of mine at a party we were going to. He agreed to this, but wasn't sure what service i could provide: it was a party of pretty vanilla people. So, no kneeling, don't make a fuss, nothing sexual. Still, i made some preparations. i brought a gift (something free but the thought that counted): i burned some CDs from one of my favorite comedians, Bill Hicks. i think my friend will like Hicks' monologues - he has a similar sense of humor. i went to the bank and got $10 worth of single dollar bills. i wasn't sure if it was proper to offer to pay my friend's door fee for the party, but at the very least i thought it would nice to be able to break a five or ten if he needed it. i tried to arrive early to help carry his bags for me and set things up the way he wanted. i wore shorts, because my friend once said i had nice legs. 

i once got to serve my friend Master JW for a weekend. He is a very wise man, and taught me a lot. One thing he warned me about is not to serve a Master that has no idea you are serving him. It's not a hard-and-fast rule: for example, some uncollared slaves put a lot of time into public service and charity work as a method of serving. But to do things for a Master that are unasked-for and unappreciated is asking for trouble. In the worst case, the slave is merely providing the level and type of service the *slave* wants to give. The slave might want to cook breakfest in bed, regardless if the Master even likes food served that way. Sure, a lot of the things a slave can come up with on their own are pretty good ideas: backrubs, flowers, gifts, blowjobs. But it's not really slavery, it's more like just being a very thoughtful friend. It's a different thing to follow orders, particularly when the orders are difficult or painful. 

So, did i have a good time at the party last night? Definitely. Did my attempt at slavery work? Um... not really. It was quite laid-back. i am happy to think my friend had a good time. i tried to make things go smoothly: casual conversation, drinks, jokes. A hearty fellowship and a merry parting. Nothing too heavy. i really enjoyed being around him, and i hope this leads to a deeper relationship in the future. Do i think my friend noticed i was trying to serve? Not until he reads this post! {grin}

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Most of the guys reading this post probably think i'm silly or a freak (at best).

No, actually, I totally get it. It's a kind of meditation. The only difference between your story of the glass of Coke and what I aspire to as a career is that I hope to get paid for it. ;-)

Are you training to be a butler?

I can get into the s/m top/bottom mindspace but the master/slave space has always left me feeling disconnected, so I'm happy that you talk about it. I've always seen top/bottom as what we _do_, and master/slave as a more fundamental who we _are_. Not that there aren't some intrinsic mind things that makes us want to be on one side of the flogger or the other.

To refer to what Tony said, I give kickass dinner parties. I love that feeling of serving people that way, but I think I do it from a position of power, not submission.

Yeah, i'm moving more towards the Master/slave dynamic lately. Not that one is any better than the other!

i think a lot of "service" comes from power. For example, the police aren't usually humble when they Protect and Serve. Or, i've known bootblacks that know better than YOU how YOUR boots should be shined.

Some thoughts that came to me as I was reading. I'd be interested in hearing more of the details of what you did at the party.

First off, thanks for posting. It's not often I can get into someone's mind without the intention of a mindfuck. ;-)

so His right hand could easily grasp the drink without my fingers getting the way. He took the glass without a thank you, and i sat back down at His feet.

I think the fact that you say it was w/o a thank you means you were expecting it. Perhaps not in a traditional, verbal way, but it was there. And I think you got it.

write down what i heard and confirm it with the Master, make lists of things to do, and focus focus focus.

I'd get annoyed at being asked to repeat myself. And I'd forbid the use of thumbs.

No, i wasn't expecting a thank you. i just added that part for veracity.

i agree... it would be annoying to have to verify that the slave understood You. But as i said, it doesn't come out of forgetfullness. And would You rather have the slave do it correctly after verification, or screw up 'cause You won't let him check that he heard correctly? Your call. {grin}

It's interesting to read this. Having now been submissive... my brain shut off on Saturday night. It settled as the collar was locked around my neck and I was able to just be. We won't talk about my brain before and after though ;)

No! i'm *dying* to hear all about your brain before and after!

Can I ask have you read any books on the subject or are you learning by observation or how?

he was recomended Carried Away :-)

after observing you and how you interact with others, i wonder if your more pup then slave...at this time.

What was your headspace like when you were in the pup mosh?

Nope! I think you're way off on that one. Though I like being a pup, it's a much much different headspace. I got into it a few times - but I was too nervous on how I interacted with other pups. It was my first romp, and I had heard too many horror stories about physically abusive alpha dogs that I didn't know how rough I should be. When I worried about it, I got out of pupspace.

But all the other times were cool.

Edited at 2008-05-01 03:24 am (UTC)

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No, i don't think friendship and slavery are the same thing.

I puzzled over this problem last month... why would *anybody* want to throw a dinner party? I mean, you have to spend money, do the cooking, and when the guest come over, you wait on them hand and foot. IS it just so you can show off your house and possessions? I mean, I understand the desire to have a fun evening, but even in poor cultures with little or no food, they still will sit you down and give you way too much dinner. It must be some primal human need to feed.

All makes sense to me. At a conference (long long ago) one slave said she felt her job was well done when she anticipated needs. Such as, she checked her Master's purse daily and made sure She (the Master) always had a certain amount of money on her.

I understand what Master JW said, and I agree. The two greatest satisfactions for me are anticipation needs (that truly are needs and not me projecting), and when he makes use of me as his slave, whatever that may be. Doing things for him is more being thoughtful than being his slave. (Sure one could spin it into service, but really, what we want when we serve -- and what THEY want, I think -- is following orders and doing what we're told is required of us.)

I do not think you are a freak, or silly.

It does sound like you are training to be a butler. A butler, even though he gets paid, is really devoting his life to making someone else's life easier.

I'm really excited by the level of detail in your thoughts.

I'm curious about how you felt in the moment and how you perceived his feelings.

Well, although i'm happy to provide butler service, i have a feeling that's one of the things that broke up my last Master/slave relationship: he was taking all the service and energy without giving anything back.

It can be so easy to chase your tail in circles in the attempt to anticipate needs. Over time, some actions and preferences can be anticipated based on learning the habits of someone you serve. Yet, no slave can expect to become a mind reader and there is a fine line between anticipating needs and presuming what is wanted.

i know many of my Master's habits, yet i generally wait for His request or instructions because He may change His mind or preference at a given time. It is more about learning to be aware and paying attention to what is going on in the present moment rather than remembering what the person liked/preferred in past situations. The exception being when a slave is given a standing order to have something done/prepared/etc. each and every time a given situation occurs.

One of my slave brothers is the author of Carried Away. :)

i hear that david stein hasn't had a really happy life. The fact that his real world relationships don't match "Carried Away" is something i'm having a hard time reconciling.

not sure how much this will help but for me, serving is 99% mindset, 1% action, which means that almost all thought of what I might want or want to do has to be given over - which is why you have to have utmost trust in yr master - otherwise it doesn't work. and he has to show that he is trustworthy - which can be hard to figure out - chicken and egg. but before you go in to the mindset, you have to ask why am I doing this? and the answer gets to be, because I serve at the pelasure of my master. to remain in that service, I must do this, this and this, and what I'm asked to do. the pleasure of service is in provding the service requested - not necessarily going over the top, doing what hasn't been asked for, but of doing the job as it was requested and well. and the I is minimised into the doing. the master will do what the master thinks is right, not what the servant thinks he has done right. and if punishment is built in - well, that's added. but you see how the I is minimised - you are not I any longer, but you are the master's servant. once the role is there, there is no more you, no more your pleasure for you to determine, nothing. it is the masters. and yes - use those tools. always ask master if it is right. not because you think it is right and you want reward, but because master's opinion is all that matters and slave's existence is to serve.

maybe you know all of this, i'm not sure, i'm only beginning to understand giving myself over.

But what if the Master doesn't tell you to do anything?

You are well on your way to being a good slave. It is the effort that is made that makes a good slave even if your service isnt perfect. Any master worth having should know that the efforts you make and the willingness to serve are more important the actual perfection of your service.

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