mudcub (mudcub) wrote,

Minor break-up

So, I met a new online Master last week, and we've been having a lot of fun. He's really into humiliation and service, which i like. One of the most erotic things He had me do (in my opinion) was that i had to eat oatmeal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, for four days. And a couldn't use any utensils.

On the fifth day? i had to eat baby food... strained peas.

Plus there were other fun scenes on cam, and lots of hot fantasies exchanged that got us both off. So, i was surprised last Friday when He broke up with me. Damn. We had only been playing for about 10 days, so i'm not heartbroken. But i had hoped we'd play a lot more.

Bad idea #1: The Master said we weren't compatible. My kinks were so extreme that He was turned off and He didn't think He could push me enough. That's ok, but the lecture continued with a theory from his *other* boy that all slaves were divided into Alphas, Betas, and Omegas. The Master was looking for an Alpha: good-looking, young, tough, and macho. A born leader who likes to top boys of his own. On the opposite end of the spectrum, He said, was me. i'm not butch enough for Him, i guess. Thanks for the lecture about my faults as You break up with Me.

Bad idea #2: i saved all our IM conversations in a folder, and i find myself going back often to read them - trying to parse the exact moment when it all went wrong, and what i could have done differently to keep being His slave. Bad idea, i know, but i can't help myself.

Bad idea #3: The Master still wants to be friends and to play occasionally. i have no animosity towards Him, and we had lots of fun, but there's a danger here as a sub. i don't think the Dom realizes i'm still really in love/lust/like with Him, and would try to follow any order He gave me day or night. That's a lot of power over me, and if He doesn't really care for me any more, maybe we should just stop chatting. But you know i'll be keeping that IM window open for the next few weeks, seeing when He's on!

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