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What's on my Fuzzy Mind

An amazing mind-blowing 4th of July weekend. Kinky camping, good friends, hot sex, fantastic food, and lots of travel. I got the new haircut above while I was tied to a chair in the in the middle of the woods as part of an interrogation scene. Fun fun fun.

I've been single now for two months. And I've done something almost every day: hookups, parties, chatting. I haven't been taking the time, space, and solitude I need to center myself. But then again, I would have a hard time meditating in a dark room when I know that Pride is going on down the street. Staying alone for the sake of finding myself seems a Pyrrhic victory. I'd find myself, sure, but I'd find myself alone in room by myself.

But there's too much, too fast. It's like checking off a thrill-seeker's wish list every day: hangliding on Monday, whitewater rafting on Tuesday, skeet shooting on Wednesday. How many life-changing events can a man have in a summer? The worry is that all the activity cheapens each new experience. I hadn't had the time to process riding a bull when the next weekend I'm playing rugby in the mountains. With too many choices, nothing has very much value.

But don't cry for me, I'm a penis. I can't feel bad that I have *too* many fun things planned, and that I'm having *too* much fun. I gave up a 14 year relationship because I wanted to pursue some lifelong goals I've had. And now that I'm actually finding the time and energy to experience these dreams, I'm wondering at what I've given up. It's a shame I couldn't have a committed relationship Monday to Friday and still go crazy on weekends. But that wasn't possible, I guess...

I'm hoping that this is just a busy summer, and that my life will settle down with fall hits. Until then, here is how my 2008 is going so far.

July 12-13
Denver gay rodeo. I'll be riding, roping, and rassling the steers!

July 19-20 (actually July 17-21)
Big road trip with annoyinghandle to Athens, Georgia

July 26-27
Thunder in the Mountains kink convention

August 2-3
Either camping in Sacramento or family meeting in Des Moines... I can't decide yet

August 9-10 (actually August 8-11)
Weekend slavery in Pittsburg, PA

August 16-17
Camping on a ranch in Southern Colorado?

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Nice Cuts...looks good on you!!!

i just hope you find what you need..whatever form that may comes in :-)

I've been thinking a lot about the difference between "wants" and "needs", but I haven't come to any conclusions. For example, I don't *want* someone to flog me into oblivion, but maybe that's what I need right now.

i thinking more generic....more like

you need to serve

i am a pup

etc...something very broad basics...once you find out who you are and what you want, the rest will (eventually) follow

Looking forward to seeing you at the end of the roadtrip.

being busy busy busy is one way to cope. I hope you get the down-time you need.

In the meantime, that shot of you with just one nip visible makes me all perked-up-n-stuff. Mmm.

It's a perky nipple alright...

as recepient of or giver of? ;-)

Ah, double entendres!

Maybe all this activity is good for you. I look forward to seeing you at Thunder!

If You have time, i'd be honored to submit to You... in any shape or form that pleases You. Hell, i'll run and get You a Diet Coke if that's all You need from me!

i'm flying Master JW out, and i hope we have a good weekend together. He's a little nervous about the trip.

Oh, what a bonus. I would love to see Master JW.

Oh, maybe that flogging (the one you don't want but need).

hope you do a side visit to atlanta on your athens trip

We'll be at the bars on Sunday night the 20th. We may be staying in the city that night too... i'm not sure. I will keep in touch and let you know. Would love to meet up with you. Patrick Kellogg 303-594-9220 cell.

Well, that's a look that works for you!

Also, driving across Kansas? Zen practice.

I didn't realize I had a huge divot in the top of my head. I think that's from sleeping on the airplane with my head slumped against the cold plexiglass window. Or it could be the missing brain matter that I've been looking for all these years.

damn .. when are we supposed to see you :(

The new sleepsack arrived over the 4th of July weekend. I haven't opened the box yet!

YOU need to come up or we need to come down , i want to be second in it

There's often a period in which one realizes one's doing too much of the X that one desperately craved and that one needs to slow down, but one keeps doing X because one's still craving it and can't get off the merry-go-round.

All part of the process. If you were not having ANY feelings of "am I doing too much/is this really what I need" I might be more worried for you.

Self-evaluation is likely to be a lifelong process, though not always as intense as the phase you're in right now.

Interrogation in the woods? You lucky dog! The cut looks great man ... brings out those fantastic eyes of yours! WOOF!

I am really digging your self-introspection and thinking. Some very deep and important issues you are turning over. It says a lot about you. Thanks for sharing that.

The divot in the head might just be a place for a top to place his beer.


Whatever it might be, I think your head shaved was pretty cool to run my hands over. You are one fucking hot guy. And a great slave mind too.

Advice: keep doing what feels good. Stop when it doesn't. Take time to evaluate, so you know when that happens.

You are a truly great guy. You deserve to be happy. So, don't ask for happiness, take it.

Perfect haircut for this weather. I haven't the guts for that shit :-) Hey Staci and I wanted a current mailing address for you, you can email it to me if you want.

that is an excellent h/c

now what am i supposed to grab onto? just have to chain you up...

that said, yes, it's like moving to a new city, you run around everywhere and can exhaust yourself - you need a base (literal or figurative) from which to emerge or to which you can retreat...

amazing shave. and amazing scenario associated with such shave. and your recent schedule of events...tied into what is going on internally, quite honest and revelaing. I empathize. well done. and hot. and god damn it, now I want a shave, at least to add it to my to-do list.

Wow, what you have going on may indeed be a bit too much but hope it doesn't burn you out in the end.

I went through this self reflection phase when coming out and again last summer, this time to try and figure out how I tick in preparation for a new job career, but in the meantime, had to get something perm, the temp gig I was doing went perm in Jan of this year and I'm still there. The next phase for me is to get a handle on where I am w/ my existing skills and creative abilities so I can see what direction to take to move forward on this goal.

That haircut is nice on you and love that furry chest. ;-)

The cut works for ya.

And I'd love to have that kinda freedom, though there is something to be said for moderation....

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