mudcub (mudcub) wrote,

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What's on my Fuzzy Mind

An amazing mind-blowing 4th of July weekend. Kinky camping, good friends, hot sex, fantastic food, and lots of travel. I got the new haircut above while I was tied to a chair in the in the middle of the woods as part of an interrogation scene. Fun fun fun.

I've been single now for two months. And I've done something almost every day: hookups, parties, chatting. I haven't been taking the time, space, and solitude I need to center myself. But then again, I would have a hard time meditating in a dark room when I know that Pride is going on down the street. Staying alone for the sake of finding myself seems a Pyrrhic victory. I'd find myself, sure, but I'd find myself alone in room by myself.

But there's too much, too fast. It's like checking off a thrill-seeker's wish list every day: hangliding on Monday, whitewater rafting on Tuesday, skeet shooting on Wednesday. How many life-changing events can a man have in a summer? The worry is that all the activity cheapens each new experience. I hadn't had the time to process riding a bull when the next weekend I'm playing rugby in the mountains. With too many choices, nothing has very much value.

But don't cry for me, I'm a penis. I can't feel bad that I have *too* many fun things planned, and that I'm having *too* much fun. I gave up a 14 year relationship because I wanted to pursue some lifelong goals I've had. And now that I'm actually finding the time and energy to experience these dreams, I'm wondering at what I've given up. It's a shame I couldn't have a committed relationship Monday to Friday and still go crazy on weekends. But that wasn't possible, I guess...

I'm hoping that this is just a busy summer, and that my life will settle down with fall hits. Until then, here is how my 2008 is going so far.

July 12-13
Denver gay rodeo. I'll be riding, roping, and rassling the steers!

July 19-20 (actually July 17-21)
Big road trip with annoyinghandle to Athens, Georgia

July 26-27
Thunder in the Mountains kink convention

August 2-3
Either camping in Sacramento or family meeting in Des Moines... I can't decide yet

August 9-10 (actually August 8-11)
Weekend slavery in Pittsburg, PA

August 16-17
Camping on a ranch in Southern Colorado?
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