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mudcub

When I was a freshman in college at age 18, my mom dropped me off at school for the first week. At the time, I could fit everything I owned into a Toyota Tercel hatchback, with room to spare. But I remember when I unloaded my life into a dorm room, kissed my mom goodbye, and shut the door.

The was a wonderful feeling. It was *my* space for the first time. No rules, no curfew, and nobody to bother me. Probably the first thing that I owned emotionally with no strings attached.

Door

I did the same thing today, and it was bittersweet. I have more things now at age 39; there are two storage pods somewhere in Nevada waiting for when I can find a house or condo to buy. In the meantime, I'm living out of five suitcases and an assortment of boxes. I'm renting a room from sfbritskin, a great guy and leatherman who may not know what he's getting into by associating with me!

I finished moving everything today during lunch. I sat down in the middle of the floor, since I don't have a bed yet. Just a sleeping bag on an air mattress. I wanted to put on some music, but I don't know where my radio would be. I thought about how I've kind of wasted the last 15 years of my life, and it was embarrassing that I'm right back where I started twenty years ago. But I shook off those thoughts, closed my eyes and listened to the silence for a while. Then I got up and closed the door.


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A great post indeed. I've been through similar myself over the years. In my 20's I was groundless, had no real direction and lived at home, often unemployed after I lost my first real job. From early 1986 to about 1988 I floundered, decided to go into TV after seeing Broadcast News, after not getting work after graduation, I then floundered some more, then decided what I really needed to do was go back to school and learn more of the production side of TV, again, no meaningful, lasting jobs after graduation but from 1996-2001 I stayed largely employed and on my own butoften at dead end jobs and such, again, I floundered, but coming out in 2001 allowed me to slowly work towards knowing myself more, but I also had economic downturns to get in my way but here I am at a place I NEED to be right now. My path is coming more and more clear by listening to my soul, my spirit and art/graphic design etc seems to be the path, whether a realistic career path, don't know yet and that's my next step, to find that out.

The point is, as others have indicated, this "being lite" is a great time to rexamin yourself and see where you are and where perhaps you should be and if need be, veer off into a new direction.

At times I wished I'd been able to do more in my 20's and early 30's or I'd be much further along than I am now so yes, I do get wistful in that regard from time to time but I also tend to believe what happened, happened for a reason to a large extent.

From the sounds of things, you are where you NEED to be.

As the Rolling Stones once sang, You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you'll get what you need.



Edited at 2008-10-21 10:58 pm (UTC)

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