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Busted!
Injury
mudcub

I got an email from[info]showmeonthedoll:

 “oh.. and I am a little confused by how you toss around the word monogamous.
you have sex with other people.
Not really getting that.”

 Ooh, I’m busted! First of all, it’s not a competition. I hope I’ve never described my relationship as being better or worse than anybody else’s. My partner and I have experimented to find what works best for us. I call it monogamy… evidently, Ernie disagrees.

I don’t cheat on my boyfriend. He knows where I am at all times. Though, sometimes he opens the porch door and lets the dog outside. However, I’m not running around the neighborhood. It’s more like I am allowed occasionally to go… visit the mailman. Or something. The analogy is breaking down.

I sometimes call our relationship “consensual monogamy”. Maybe monoamory would be a better term. My partner and I have talked about polyamory, threesomes, “separate vacations” and other sexual configurations, and have tried some of them over time. I’d like an open relationship, but that didn’t work out.

On the other hand, sometimes I wonder if my emphasis on the length of my relationship is a side-effect of some lingering self-hatred. So, I can say, “Well, I may be a cocksucker, but at least my relationship is better than most straight people.” Using gay marriage as sort of a consolation prize to make up for the fact I’m gay. But I don’t think about it very much.


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Typically people use monogamy to mean that two people are completely sexually exclusive with each other.

We ought to have as many words for relationship configuarations as we have for forms of money.

An odd analogy, equating people with currency, but I’ll assent.

I guess the old “eskimos have 100 words for snow” cliché is actually inaccurate (and offensive to the many different cultures of Inuit people, who don’t like to be lumped together as “eskimos”).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eskimo_words_for_snow

But it is odd that with all the relationship books that are sold at Barnes and Noble, all of them are trying to “fix” existing relationships to fit into the standard monogamous mold. Maybe the existence of all those self-help manuals is a hint that the model does not work.

To be pedantic, the “gamy” part of “monogamy” comes from “gamos” meaning marriage. So, you could argue that no homosexuals are monogamous, since we are denied marriage rights.

Still, it’s a little weird to try to label a relationship with one word, or even a dozen. My partner and I have worked a funky weird dynamic that nobody on the outside would really understand.

I used the word “monogamy” as a shorthand way to differentiate myself from Garrison Keillor, with his three marriages and multiple relationships. I was being snotty, saying that while he was judging all gay relationships as inferior to straight ones, at least I didn’t fuck my boss and then dump her like a used whore.

An odd analogy, equating people with currency, but I’ll assent.

I'm not making that equation. What I am saying is that we talk endlessely and in fine detail with rich vocabulary about money, but when it comes to relationships we have, what. maybe a half dozen words that are supposed to cover a vast variety of possibilties.

I think I'm going to start inventing words LOL this should be fun ...

I don;t really care how you define monogamy for your personal use. Redefine 'heterosexual' if you want can call yourself that. Yay word fun. Look today I'm a Hamster!

But you were using the term to define yourself in a political context in reaction to the conservative, unfunny, article by Garrison Keillor about marriage.

In that context, where standard conservative definitions are presumed, calling yourself monogamous does us all a disservice.

Now I need to get on your rimseat with your partner watching and yell.. "who's monogamous now bitch?"

wheee

I don't think you were talking to me. Cause we don't have a rimseat.

Bill, as long as I have a face... you have a chair!

No no I was referrign to mudcub and the thread as a whole

io thought you brought up some interesting points

"In that context, where standard conservative definitions are presumed, calling yourself monogamous does us all a disservice."

PATRICK! Yer hurtin' the *community*!

"Now I need to get on your rimseat with your partner watching and yell.. 'who's monogamous now bitch?'"

I tried, but my mouth was full.

I am not a hamster, but I have had sexual relations with one.

Rat and I have lived a relationship like that for over 12 years. In that time, I think we've played with others, maybe a couple dozen times. We have parties once or twice a year and they are sorta notorious.

The one rule we have is: Keep it safe.

It's alot easier for people like us, who are into mud, piss, j/o etc. to keep things safe. It's alot harder for dudes who want butt fucking.

Fortunately we have a group of friends who understand how to keep it safe.

Whatever works to bring happiness into your life is good but labeling yourself monogamous is kind of out in left field 'cause you're not but so fucking what!None of this bullshit on here matters anyway

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