Here's something I also know nothing about: "passing". If you don't know,
the word refers to looking so much like what you want to look like, that
nobody has a clue any differently. It can mean racial identity, religion,
I'm not trans, so I can't imagine what this is like. To grow up with a
different gender, go through a personal transition and transformation, and
to still be faced every day with personal thoughts every time you dress.
So, I'll shut up. I'm on shaky ground here. But here are some thoughts
from the other side of the fence.
Two times now, I've hooked up with transguys that I didn't know were trans
at the time I hooked up with them. As it turned out, I was cool with it, and
everything was fine (better than fine actually... both guys were fantastic.)
But I was shocked that the topic never came up before they went home
with me. What if I would have freaked out? Or become violent? I'm
surprised a transguy would leave that undisclosed until our pants came off.
To be brutal with myself, I'm not practicing what I preach. If I was
really blameless, I would do the same thing about my own sexual
orientation. Every time I meet a guy I want to fuck I should say, "You
know I'm gay, right?" I never do this. It's just kind of assumed, and that
realization about myself puzzles me.
To be even MORE brutally honest, I should disclose to everyone that I'm
actually bisexual. But in practice I just feel stupid about that.
Gay guys don't understand it, women don't care, and it brings up more
questions than it answers.
So, I guess I shouldn't be surprised when I've had to find out someone's
gender accidentally. It's not deceit - they weren't lying to me. But so
many things go unsaid, don't they? Sexual history, HIV status, BDSM
limits. Sometimes, we're just pigs and we dive in headlong before actually
negotiating or communicating.
But I'm writing all these blog posts as an outsider, so these are
"beginner thoughts" that probably seem trite and cute to most of you. And
that's something I wanted to note: the trans community actually is a
community, and they have certain inside jokes that only an insider would
Here is an example: a friend of mine was telling me about his exciting
evening of sex with a man and a woman, "He fucked me with his dick, and
then I fucked her with my cock, and then he went down on both our
dicks..." I was getting off on the visual until I got confused. Who was
doing what to whom? Wait a minute... can I have a diagram?
Later, I found out that some transguys call a clit a dick. And strap-on is
a cock. You get fucked by a cock, but you can suck a dick.
But sometimes that's not the lingo that's being used, and those words mean
something completely different. Then there's packing, but I'm not going to
go into that at all here.
When I whined about being confused over Cock vs. Dick, my friend's reply
was, "Does it make a difference?" The politically correct answer is No. I
don't really need to know the details, and hot sex holds up just fine with
For example, if I am being whipped by a hot dominatrix while I'm strapped
to a St. Andrew's cross, it doesn't really matter what She has in Her
pants. I'm probably not going to be allowed in Her pants anyway. W/we
would be having an intense physical and emotional connection that goes
beyond simply rubbing sexual organs.
At the same time, I like my friend. I want to know everything about him,
and care about the things he cares about. So, if I were to find out a
close relative is trans, want to share in their story if I can - support
their transitioning, if that happens. Does it matter if they have a dick
or not? No. Wait a minute, of course it does.
Don't be silly, NO. To be honest, yes. Not really, Ok, yeah.
Maybe yes. Nope. Fuck.