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My Ignorant Blog Post About Trans Issues (MIBPATI) #2 of 6
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mudcub

 

I love trans people. Ok, that's an idiotic thing to say; I haven't *met*
all trans people. I'm sure many are complete dickheads. It's one of those
blanket statements that sounds nice but is actually quite insulting;
as if all trans people are the same.

So, I'm talking in HUGE generalities here, and making some assumptions.
But here's another one:

Trans people like having sex.

Plus... if you're lucky... they might have sex with YOU! {grin} Here's my
logic for this statement: to be out as trans means that you've had to do
some thinking about sex and gender and relationships. Which puts you
mentally ahead of most of the US when it comes to understanding sex. I
think if you didn't have a sex drive; it would be much easier to just be
asexual instead of transgender, and to push the whole topic to the back of
your head and think about other things.

So, I'm been lucky enough to have some mind-blowing amazing sex with some
transmen in the past year. Is that ok to admit? I mean, I don't want to
blow a good thing here.

Because here's another pitfall... it's almost as bad to be *liked* for a
single item of your identity as is it to be disliked for it. For example,
the bear community often has "chasers": smaller boys who get off on having
sex with a large fat hairy man. This is cool if the bear is comfortable
with his size. But sometimes the chaser is also a "feeder", trying to
fatten up the object of his attraction. Or the chaser will run away to
catch someone even bigger and bearier. It's terrible to be loved not for
yourself, but because you fit a certain physical type, almost as bad as being
disliked for a characteristic.

I'm on shaky ground here, but I think some of the transmen I've met liked
hanging around me because I'm gay. I think there's a hunger by some
transmen for male companionship - just hanging out with the guys and
drinking beers. Bears and leathermen offer a sort of authentic masculinity
that comes without thinking. They've been boys and men their entire lives
and never think about how lucky they are.

In return, I've really learned a lot about gender by hanging around transmen.
I'm often cursed by that sort of liberal male guilt that was taught that
Men Suck. We are loud and noisy. We cause all the wars in the world. Most
Murders and thefts are committed by men. Liberal men are raised to be
sissified, hating themselves for not being as understanding and emotionally
stable as women.

So, I love to revel in being a dude. I roll around in motor oil taking
apart machines. Sometimes I stink. I clomp around in big heavy boots
tracking mud into the house. I tackle guys on the rugby field and box and
wrestle whenever I can. I engage in heavy rough sex that often leaves one
or more of the participants puking and bleeding. And by doing this, maybe
I'm exploring gender almost as much as if I put on a dress.

I'm a kinky guy. And I've been blessed to meet other kinky transguys.
Thank you.


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I think that you are making good generalities... trans people like sex... don't we all like sex?

Having known enough trans individuals to date, I think that for them sex is beyond what heterosexuals, gays and lesbians think of... it's not just about penetration and a phallus and an orifice... it's more about the mindset... understanding, caring, etc.

I agree with you that many of us have been lucky in the lives that we've had to date... we don't have to go through many of the challenges that trans people do. From my experience, I concur with you that I have always liked and done masculine activities and that I tend to be at times the typical guy that people describe with the only difference that I am gay... kinky (yes!) and that I like men.

And you better believe it... some trans people are also very kinky. In 2006 the Ms. Olympus was a trans person which caused commotion around the leather community and urged many contest owners to add the "biological" aspect to defining gender!

"...don't we all like sex?"

No, a LOT of people have little to no sex drive. I had a period like that in my youth. I think those people would best be described as asexual, though most just assume their hetero. If you're gay and have no sex drive, I think it's easy to sublimate your orientation and live as a straight person.

I don't like to have sex while driving, does that count?

Hey there are some of us that like the rush of sex while driving!

I'd say it really depends. I like to fuck the hell of people as much as the next guy. The key difference I see personally is that as a transguy, I've thought more about who I am, what I want, what gets me off, what I can't stand than the average straight guy my age. Part of the cause of that is the kink, part of that is the queer, part of that is the trans part. Plus, I think being trans (and kinky) helps me to be more inventive in terms of sex and kink, so it isn't just insert part A into slot B and repeat. ;)

Just a quick correction... just because someone is trans does not mean that they've spent one iota more time than you in dissecting the meaning of gender, sex, or relationships. I've actually met quite a few transfolks that totally believe in the heteronormative binary gender system and simply consider themselves to have a 'birth defect'. Not my personal deal but just an fyi. ;-)

Here's a question that you may enjoy pondering (your mission, should you choose to accept it): What does loving to roll around in motor oil taking apart machines, clomping around in big heavy muddy boots, tackling and wrestling people, or engaging in heavy rough sex ... have to do with you being a dude?


Huh, I didn't consider clueless transfolk. As I said above, there are many kinds. But surely a trans person hears terms like "gender-normative", where a straight mormon may not.

I think you're trying to get me to admit that getting dirty is not a men-only thing. And you're right. Most women fix cars better than I do. But you know that culture tries to teach that boys are made of snails and mud while girls are pink and sugar. To me, stink and sweat from hard physical work is masculine. So is blood and broken noses. It's just ingrained in my mind by society, and it reacts nicely with the primal animal sunk deep in my brain that wants to hurt and be hurt. Women perspire and glow. I love real rough sex... dripping, slimy, fragrant exercise that requires a lot of cleanup and towels. It's not limited to only guys, but they're bigger to pound on and abuse.

Edited at 2009-01-21 02:04 am (UTC)

Sorry, "women perspire and glow" is just leaving me snickering at the image. :-)

That's a punchline to a joke somewhere. It was an essay that women perspire while men sweat; women glow while men stink; women pass gas while men fart. Sterotypical, and I don't want to offend anyone with those ideas.

> And by doing this, maybe I'm exploring gender
> almost as much as if I put on a dress.

As a queer, poly, Buddhist, leather, Dominant transguy I say your remark above shows good insight. (long list of descriptors is simply to highlight I am more than a FTM) The kind of masculine that you are (as defined by your sense of self, taste, and activity preferences) is a matter of gender outside the average American. Man, in our culture, no longer lives a great deal of their life in the company of men doing rough, nasty, smelly things. I agree with you that rough, nasty, smelly things done in the company of men is some of the best stuff on earth. But learning that about myself and seeing it in contrast to how society expected me to behave was part of my process to claim my gender. That gender to me is not just "guy" or "man," it is cigar-smoking, pervert, queer. It just so happened that was a longer path for me than for you.

Thinking on this... thank You for Your thoughts, Sir.

*coughs* I have to get up early for work tomorrow, but I'm excited about reading these later. I was nervous at first, but I caught some random reference to mindblowing sex with transguys, so now I'm, uh, more interested.

*grins*

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